


Secret Shame

by castalia2684



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Fight Sex, Light BDSM, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-30 22:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3953392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castalia2684/pseuds/castalia2684
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathaniel is unlike his stoic self losing his composure as well as his clothes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is a rewrite of a story I just deleted. I am not a professional writer nor do I claim to be. I have began writing again after more than 15 years. Hope you like it. Not bad for someone who slacked in high school, I think. I dedicate this story to Cullenites on Face book and The Cullenites who inspired me to write again.
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/groups/Cullenites/
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/groups/1538785693044454/

** Chapter 1/? **

 

Elyssa straightened herself on the plain sturdy oak wood chair. She returned a blue colored quill used to write her missive to her king inside its ink bottle. Cousland had a tender smile on her delightful honey beige skin. She contemplated on how Alistair might become jealous of Anders and Nathaniel, in particular Anders. Alistair might think Anders as another Zevran. She remembered how Zevran riled Alistair just for the fun of it. Alistair, her king and husband learned of what had transpired the past month. He may be Ferelden’s King, but he was still a Grey Warden.

 

It was summer, late afternoon when Alistair, always her protector arrived with a regiment of Royal guardsmen and the Templar Rylock to inspect the Grey Warden fortress in Amaranthine. He and his company did not leave until the keep met his satisfaction for his wife’s safety on that evening. After Alistair’s departure, the not yet settled warden at Vigil's Keep reported news. An older man, Seneschal Varel, told her the news of a thief being subdued by four Orlesian Grey Wardens.

 

**********

 

Ever since that eventful night of Rendon Howe's regicide, Duncan feared Howe had installed spies at Ostagar to secure no survivors from Highever castle slaughter existed. "Apologies, young Cousland but before we arrive at Ostagar and return to the other Warden and the recruits, you must call yourself by a new name. I fear Rendon Howe's influence for lack of the better word has reached Ostagar. We must keep you safe if we are to find Fergus. By the Maker's will and by Andraste's doing, hope your brother can be found alive. Pray that you are not the last of your line." By Duncan’s suggestion Elyssa called herself, Headache.

 

Elyssa's idea came from Fergus’s childhood nickname for her. Fergus and Nathaniel played in the valley outside the castle. A thirteen year old Fergus became frantic as he and Nathaniel searched for Elyssa. If not for Elyssa throwing her slipper at Nathaniel's head as she sat on a branch above the grand oak wood tree both boys would have never found her.

 

"Ooh!!! By Andraste's burning knickers!!!!! You have been nothing but a headache every time mother and father make me watch over you!" Fergus shouted frustrated at Elyssa.

 

"She's been nothing but a headache to you?! That little ball of fat threw her slipper at me. In the Maker's name Elyssa how did you climb up there?! It's a miracle that branch is still holding you?" Nathaniel told Fergus while teasing Elyssa.

 

Elyssa stuck her tongue out at Nathaniel. "Go away Fergie! I am running away and then you will be in big trouble!!! Mama and Papa will send you away! You've been a horrible big brother!!!" A teary eyed Elyssa responded.

 

"Please, Elyssa, I beg you!!! I am sorry! Yes, I have been a horrible brother. But climb down the tree. You have been my little headache and will always be my loving little headache but please dusk will fall. I need you on the ground and I will give you my full attention tomorrow. We can play whatever you want as long as you don't mention what happened today to mother and father! Please!" After Fergus’s long plea, ever since that day he always called her, Headache whenever they were alone.

 

**********

 

Present Day

 

“Commander…” spoke an older gentleman of gray hair somewhat taller than Headache, around five feet and eight inches tall in full red steel armor. She thought the seneschal must have been handsome in his youth.

 

Headache moved her thoughts aside and cleared her throat. “Ah, Varel, could you please make sure…”

 

The Warden paused her speech to stamp her Theirin Royal family seal and her Cousland family seal below to her personal letter to Alistair.

 

The seneschal finished the Commander of the Grey’s sentence,-“…the letter is sent to the King. A personal letter I presume? The letter will be on its way. It should arrive by mid-day tomorrow direct on to King Alistair’s hand, my Queen.”-

 

Headache satisfied by the efficiency of the Seneschal gave him a smile.-“Thank you, how did you know, Varel?”

 

Nathaniel barged into his father’s old study, now hers. He was rude, indignant, defiant and demanding unlike the stoic man she knew. The dark shoulder length haired man set on insubordination towards his senior ranking Warden. He had been back for six weeks from the Free Marches. Had Nathaniel not stopped to gaze at a portrait of a raven haired woman he resembled he’d been successful at stealing a few family heirlooms and setting a trap for the Commander if the Orlesian wardens hadn’t caught him in the act.

 

Bitter and angry Nathaniel had begun his tirade. “Besides stripping my family of our title, lands and home you bring a casteless Dwarf and a Dalish elf. You surpass your decision with bringing a murderer who killed innocent merchants having nothing to do with the death of her clan and her sister’s abduction! I can handle Sigrun but the murderer is not welcomed!” With every passing word his demeanor became more aggressive. You could palpate the animosity between them.

 

Varel extended an annoyed glance at the raven haired man whose gaze ensued Nathaniel’s steps.

 

“It is fine, Varel. Please close the door on your way out” Cousland said in a controlled manner. Her hands held under her chin elbows rested on top of an ornate oak wood desk with Grey Warden griffin sigils on each side.

 

The Seneschal acknowledged the Warden-Commander’s affirmation.  Varel conveyed a gallant nod and half a bow before turning around to leave. Nathaniel stood in front of Cousland’s desk in the study room. Headache waited until the Seneschal left before she acknowledged Nathaniel’s challenging stand in front of her ornate oak wood desk.

 

Nathaniel spouted more insolent words in the way a disgraced noble did. “Are you that desperate for recruits you cannot look for better prospects? I see why you clung to the bastard puppet king at your first opportunity you had to elevate your status. You are nothing but a…” Nathaniel hit a nerve.

 

Cousland grasped at what he persisted. Many times Wynne questioned Headaches' intentions with Alistair. She several times discouraged their romance, convinced it would end in heartbreak for him.The people at Court questioned why Alistair chose Headache or she him, Alistair's capacity to rule and the rumors of Elyssa. One of many was once Fergus her brother took over the title of Teyrn in Highever she would be known as the Hero of Ferelden. Once her fame dissipated she would be nothing but another grey warden destined to travel to Weisshaupt and live her remaining days in impoverished obscurity until her Calling.

 

A year and a half ago, Alistair used himself as a shield to protect Headache from Flemeth's dragon form attack. He received his beloved Elyssa's intended gash. Headache saw Alistair go limp as the first of spray of blood came out of his body. He was near death from Flemeth’s attack. Cousland let loose panicked reckless sobs at the sight of his fall. She ran to him got to her knees and held him as she prayed for the Maker and his bride Andraste to save her lover. Headache heartbroken and woeful pleaded Alastair not to die.

 

“Alistair, please don’t die on me! Maker, Andraste, whoever hears my plea, please do not let him die! Alistair I swear you live through this and I will tell you my name. My real name! Please, my love, I beg you do not leave me!!! Maker, pleeeaase!!!”

 

She kept him from hemorrhaging by frantic attempts to cover his massive diagonal chest laceration. Sten and Wynne continued with their battle, if not for them the group might have died that day. Wynne said a quick healing spell to stop Alistair's bleeding as Sten dealt the final blow to Flemeth's dragon form.

 

The week it took for Alistair to recover, Wynne saw how much love, commitment, and devotion Headache had for the young Chantry raised ex-Templar. Headache never left Alistair's side. Wynne realized she had been wrong about their new blossomed romance and apologized.

 

They had both trained as Assassins but with different sub-classes. Nathaniel trained as a Ranger while Headache trained as a Bard. As a Bard, Headache became proficient in daggers and bows, spying, sabotage, and manipulation on both men and women. Natural for the Royal Court Elyssa was judged by them. The young single noble women wanted more than to sleep with her Alistair whom many offered to give him an heir.

 

Alistair and Elyssa had yet to produce an heir to the throne, but it wasn’t from the lack of trying. They sure enjoyed trying to every day, night and whenever they escaped the court in whatever semi-private corners they found. Once caught in mid-coitus by Eamon. Both found in the throne room with Alistair’s trouser and smalls around to his ankles. Headache pinned to the back of the throne chair held herself up as both her legs were hooked to her husband. Eamon startled by the sight scorned them for not waiting until the couple arrived to their bedroom chamber. Both laughed as two mischievous children do.

 

Roused from her thoughts and memories in a swift fluid motion Headache stood up from her chair; it fell to the floor. Nathaniel, same height as Alistair at six feet tall, the top of her small ringlet curled brown black hair stood under his chin. Headaches’ hair was in a bun, featherless quills used to keep her hair raised. Cousland, dressed in her favorite mid thigh length red colored silk robe embroidered golden roses with a red silk sash tied around her waist. Underneath her robe she wore Alistair’s white long sleeved that swam on her voluptuous curvy body. Alistair's tunic smelled of sandalwood and citrus.

 

Elyssa faced Nathaniel both stood in proximity as each had clenched jaws. She no longer took his belittlement, and insubordination. He had always been so arrogant. The way he held himself has always irked her. She thanked the Maker both families never went through with their marriage plans. The Howes’ attempted for Nathaniel to court her even if it was half of try. Both aware of their age gap their courtship was more of an amicable social meeting than romantic. Nathaniel sometimes felt as if he entertained a child in a well developed physique. While, Cousland believed herself to be strung along out of pleasantries and family duty.

 

For the moment, the son of her family’s murderer; except for her brother Fergus, now stood in front of her. Headache had seen more war and death than Nathaniel and was as capable as he, may be more to be in command, not him.

 

They stood in front of each other. Nathaniel glared at Cousland as she did him; her fists on either side of her body. Her clenched hands holding her need to punch him. Nathaniel smirked at the sight in front of him. He enjoyed his victory of detected sore spot at his father’s killer and home invader.

 

Headache lost hold of the final stages of her anger. “What I do with **_MY_** **_KEEP_** is of no concern to you. Need I remind you your father relinquished complete familial rights to it? He betrayed our departed king Cailan, and was Loghain’s co-conspirator. Rendon betrayed my father by attempting to assassinate every member of my family and everyone else in the castle. He destroyed my home and then usurped my father’s title. Your worthless father made himself a Teyrn when the title never belonged to him or your family. I served justice the day I slayed that monster you called your father. He was no hero by the time I reached him. I reciprocated the favor. Your father bit off more than he could chew. How can you believe in your father’s innocence? You are an arrogant a fool...”

 

Cousland further reflected on Nathaniel’s comments. Her angered temper turned into rage. “…and as for my love, Alistair, your current king.”

 

Her right open palm with a mind of its own motioned towards Nathaniel. A strong red imprint marked his left cheek. His face turned towards its designated side. Elyssa’s feelings for her love, her Alistair are, has always been and forever will be pure. Alistair is her first love.

 

She was so weary of defending herself from malicious men with ulterior motives, calculating harpies and every noble in between Landsmeet, Denerim and the Ferelden nation.

 

The Royal Court's disparagement of Alistair's decisions and ability to rule; they treated Alistair as Royal Advisor Teyrn Eamon’s puppet. In occasions Eamon did his job to tell the king on manners of politics. Alistair had done amazing job on his own.

 

Many noble maiden harpies volunteered to carry his children; they viewed Elyssa the new Anora. Even though Alistair poured his seed into her every night, middle of the night, early morning and sometimes twice throughout the day. In the six months of their marriage Headache had yet to be with child.

 

Headache poured her stress, frustrations, worries, and anxieties into explosive hits that Nathaniel deserved in that moment for baiting her. A left fist went flying to Nathaniel's face he caught her hand.

 

 _"Shite!"_  Cousland contemplated.

 

The Wardens arrived from a thaig they discovered in Knotwood Hills. Nathaniel and Elyssa tired and tensions high between them. His anger made him not care he stood in front of a lady and his queen. Nathaniel knew he stood in front of an efficient fighter.

 

He wanted answers but the ones he obtained weren’t enough. He still felt they weren’t the truth; the stories described different man and not the one who raised Nathaniel, the man he grew to be. The one possible person, Delilah the only person who can give him the answers to his questions, had disappeared or worse dead. He had only his sister’s letters he found in her room. There remained no one near to Nathaniel to give him answers. It bothered him, but for now he lived not knowing the facts of the story.

 

Nathaniel seized her neck. His left hand lifted Headache up and slammed her against the bookshelf knocking the books above her head. Nathaniel needed to break her neck and leave with the satisfaction he took revenge on his father's killer. Arl Rendon Howe could never betray Ferelden.

 

"...Bitch." Nathaniel hissed as Cousland’s bare feet dangled a foot off the floor.

 

She clawed at his hand. She weighed nothing to him. The back of her head hurt and the air in her lungs bashed out. Cousland struggled to break free the warden-commander anchored both legs to Nathaniel's waist. She squeezed her legs, writhed and wriggled her hips to release herself from his grip. Nathaniel’s body responded to Cousland’s movements, his semi-erection allowed her momentum. She struck him with her right hand on his Adam's apple. Nathaniel grabbed at his neck from the pain of her strike. He hunched over while her legs still wrapped around him swung herself to his back her legs landed on the floor. Cousland prepared herself; kicked Nathaniel on the back of his left knee caused him to buckle to the floor. Headache was quick and nimble but Nathaniel overpowered her due to his strength, size and experience even though he never fought in the Fifth Blight. He was older and had trained longer as a Ranger Assassin.

 

Headache lay on the floor while Nathaniel positioned one leg between hers. His right forearm next to her shoulder supported his body weight. His palm extended on the floor again Nathaniel held her neck to the floor with his left hand. Her robe had slid open exposing her white long sleeved tunic. As she attempted to sit up Nathaniel forced her back on the floor with her smalls exposed thick yet muscular feminine thighs out on the open. Headache fought Nathaniel, but the heat threatened to rise to her high cheekbones. Headache played dirty, she used her Assassin Bard skills to persuade him to stop.

 

Nathaniel attempted to strangle her for the second time. Elyssa slid out of her red silk robe with embroidered golden roses the knot on her sash came undone from the entire scuffle. Her right shoulder and right breast exposed. She trusted Nathaniel’s nobility to notice her semi nude state and hoped it earned his attention to gain leverage again. The opportunity for leverage never came.

 

Elyssa slid out she grabbed the collar of her robe and threw it to over Nathaniel's head. She grabbed the sash and wrapped it around Nathaniel's neck to subdue him. But she was unsuccessful as the robe and sash fell off his head. Nathaniel fell back and jammed Cousland’s back to the corner of the dark oak wood desk. It sent a white flashed uncontrollable pain on her back that made her fall to the floor. Elyssa groaned in pain.

 

Nathaniel took the opportunity and pounced on his commander his left fist flew towards her face. Elyssa saw his maneuver and rolled towards her right. Nathaniel punched the floor. She rolled back into her earlier position now laid on her back. Nathaniel laid on her body now between her legs shook his now bruised fist. With no other options to stop Nathaniel’s attacks Cousland grabbed the back of Nathaniel’s neck. She brought his face to hers until they kissed.

 

It was the most aggressive passionate carnal filled kiss Elyssa had ever given any man. No emotions involved in it just the pretend of physical want of him. Nathaniel reciprocated. He dug his red knuckled hand into her brown black long curled hair. He pulled her away to catch his breath; Elyssa's teeth clung to his bottom lip until she tasted blood.

 

Nathaniel stunned at what just happened narrowed his gorgeous gray eyes with hues of silver, took notice to Elyssa's state. Her white tunic clung above her both forearms, her full alluring honey beige breasts and small brown nipples exposed as she heaved from their tussle. Nathaniel stopped to give her an annoyed look but gazed at Cousland's breasts.

 

Exasperated at himself, he liked her kiss, and what he saw. It had been a long time since he touched a woman or shown interest to one; Nathaniel gave into years of sexual want for Elyssa. He kissed her with passion and lust, anger and hate returned a bloodied kiss. Filled with eagerness he grabbed and squeezed her left breast. It caused Elyssa to moan in surprise. Nathaniel angry at his father's killer went along with Elyssa’s seduction. He looked at her and searched for consent. Cousland nodded her head in acceptance. He intended to make it as unpleasant as possible for her while pleasant enough for him.

 

Nathaniel's long bloodied rough kiss left them breathless. He pulled her head towards the right. He nipped, licked and kissed hard enough to leave marks on her neck and around her breasts. Nathaniel then spread Elyssa's legs positioned himself between them. He lifted the bottom half of the tunic she wore above her navel. Nathaniel then took a small blade he hid in his right boot.

 

He put the coldness of it against Elyssa's skin. She motioned her hand in protest. Nathaniel muffled her complaint with his left hand as he pushed her back to the floor brought his blade up from her thighs to her right hip. He caressed the blade on her skin until he put it under the leather band of her smalls. He cut the bothersome leather free from Elyssa her now moist hot slit exposed. Nathaniel disposed Cousland’s tunic.

 

As the commander attempted to undo Nathaniel's pants he stopped her. He grabbed her arms over her head and pinned them against the floor as he tied her hands with Cousland's red silk sash.

 

His shrunken pants were bothersome as his member throbbed for her. Nathaniel grabbed Elyssa's robe and carried her on his right shoulder to the bedroom in the study.

 

Once inside the bedroom Nathaniel threw Cousland on the dark cherry wood bed with satin royal blue covers and threw her robe to the floor. He undid his belt, tied it between her hands and around the sash to the bedpost. He wanted her to stay helpless to his sexual whim to defile her like no man ever had.

 

Cousland thought to herself while she fought not to show her nerves. _"Maker what did I get myself into?"_ Her decision set to use her skills of seduction suggested to be an advantage sometimes used by bards and assassins. _"At least what I trained for should stop the arrogant arse."_ Nathaniel grabbed and kissed her rough enough to leave several marks the next day, not to mention their earlier altercation.

 

Cousland watched him undress. The helpless commander observed as Nathaniel removed his black leather boots and beige colored shirt. She saw every sinew of his toned chest, abdomen and well defined arms. She saw how fit he looked, Elyssa bit her bottom lip at the sight of his body. Raw desire grew within her, the need to rake her nails and press her lips to his chest down his stomach to his erection. She disliked Nathaniel’s full control if he hadn’t tied her to the bedpost.

 

Elyssa saw the size of his erection; the head peaked out through his smalls, his tip close to the bottom of his navel. It was thick and as lengthy.

 

She thought Nathaniel big and wondered if she needed to brace herself when he entered her. Would his sword give her pleasure or discomfort? Her need for him grew yet Nathaniel hadn’t shown gentility towards Elyssa.

 

Nathaniel crawled on the bed. He spread her legs and parted Elyssa's nether lips with the slow and gentle roll of the tip of his tongue. His warm wet tongue danced on the nub of her sex, Nathaniel's right hand found his way to her sheath. He somewhat hooked his pointer finger to enter her slit, he then added his middle finger. With Nathaniel's lips on her crease he alternated his tongue in small circular movements with the flicks of his tongue. His constant slow gentle in and out of his fingers neared Elyssa to her peak.

 

Nathaniel’s adept tongue danced on Cousland’s nub and her inner petals sent Elyssa to a near loud moan as he drove her close to a frenzy. Elyssa bit her shoulder as she tried to control her breathe but her sobs escaped. Her hips rolled a deeper invitation.  Nathaniel sensed Elyssa near her peak as he breathing became erratic.

 

"Mm, Nathaniel, please don't stop." Purred Cousland.

 

Her face flushed from the amount of pleasure she received from him. She hid her face under her left arm, embarrassed by her unsuccessful attempt to control the animalistic wanton wails.

 

Nathaniel replied with a mischievous look in his eyes and a smile on his face, "You shouldn't be embarrassed. After all you're experienced." He returned to his task with his mouth on her crevice and the flick of his tongue on her nub.

 

Elyssa tightened around Nathaniel's hand. His fingers slid in and out faster until she let out a stubborn echoed sob of release never let out; not even with Alistair. The orgasm left her in a puddle of sweet juices under her cheeks. Nathaniel rose to kiss her hard. Cousland enjoyed his kiss and the taste of herself on his lips. Nathaniel used the same fingers to caress her lips she licked to clean his fingers.

 

Nathaniel then straddled himself on Elyssa's chest pinning her even further on the bed. He entered her mouth before she was able form another sentence. His manhood moved in and out of her fast and hard. He grabbed Elyssa's hair. He held her head in his hand, his fingers digging into the back of her curls as he rammed her mouth. She found it even harder to breathe as he sometimes choked Elyssa with his member.

 

Cousland savored the beginnings of his seed. He growled as his groans became louder.  His left hand squeezed her right breast tight enough for her to be in discomfort. Nathaniel; tempted to burst in her mouth but stopped himself short.

 

Nathaniel’s humiliation of Elyssa, not yet complete. He wanted to ruin her name and title to start, to defile the bastard king's whore wife even if it meant exile or death. Either way he had nothing else to lose. Nathaniel unsheathed himself from Elyssa Cousland's mouth. He gave her an even harder kiss that caused a tiny slit on the upper corner of her lips.

 

A sound of protest escaped Elyssa's bloodied lips as she searched for her tiny wound on her lip with the tip of her tongue; along with an irritated glance. _"Mmm!"_

 

Nathaniel grabbed Cousland's messy dark curls as he pulled her head back the sinew of her slim delicate neck shown lips ghosted her honey beige skin. _"Shh_ , you forfeited all of your control once I tied you." Nathaniel whispered in a low husky assertive tone under her left ear.

 

He kissed along Elyssa's neck and nibbled on her ear to affirm her situation. Nathaniel gripped at her right breast as he gently pinched her brown nipple. It forged her raw appetite for him.

 

Nathaniel's lips traveled to each breast. His lips and tongue danced and nibbled on her luscious breasts as he paid homage to them. Elyssa's hips enticed Nathaniel to her already hot wet core. He released a small chuckle from his engulfed mouth as he ignored Elyssa's physical pleas for sexual release once again.

 

Elyssa pulled at her constraints. She wanted to reach for Nathaniel; for his nice long thick hard shaft. She licked and sucked her lower lip a small whine escaped. Nathaniel slid down to her center of pleasure devouring her as if he depended on her for sustenance. Cousland’s moans turned into loud pleasured sobs that became resonant in the bedroom.

 

Elyssa grabbed on to the bed post with a reverberant sob. _"Oh, Maker! Yes!!!"_

 

Her gradual flush crept back up from her reaction, anyone could have heard her. Nathaniel wiped his lips clean with the back of his slight sun kissed skin. Nathaniel observed Elyssa joined her legs as she recovered from thundering orgasm. Her core was still sensitive from such a strong electric sensation. She still felt Nathaniel between her legs even though he stopped. Her nub throbbed while her cavern still imploded.  Elyssa tried to catch her breath as she bit on her shoulder and thought on the sensitivity on her clit. It sent her into an enthralled tease.

 

"Please, fuck me. I beg you! Fuck me as hard as you want." Elyssa said in a sensuous desperate plea as she pulled at her constraints.

 

Nathaniel not able to ignore his pulsating erection opened Elyssa's legs while he pulled her to him. He buried himself deep into her heat. Another loud wail escaped her lips pleasure mixed with a delicious ache. The kind that is so good it makes you feel alive.

Nathaniel now aware of his size propped Elyssa's legs above his shoulders. Her legs pinned between him and her chest. He had put part of his weight on her body and the rest on his forearms. His sex now deep inside her, he rammed her as he alternated his speeds. Nathaniel went too far in as he sheathed his sword in a hard speedy rhythmic tempo, too rough for her. He saw Elyssa wince.

 

"I apologize." Nathaniel whispered in sexy voice.

 

He coaxed Elyssa to move her legs from his shoulders as he unsheathed his sword. Nathaniel kissed her forehead. He rolled Elyssa onto her stomach while tied to the bedpost. Elyssa propelled herself to kneel on the bed as her constraints tugged and decreased her movements. Nathaniel annoyed by her inability to move freely undid his belt on the post. Elyssa still bounded by her red silk sash was happy to be set free. Nathaniel pushed her face down to the bed. With aggressive strength he positioned her cheeks and hips upwards as he pinned Cousland’s chest. He took his cock in his hand as he rammed her yielding pussy hard. Nathaniel went deep inside with each movement causing Elyssa to lose her control.

 

He sped up his rhythm, Elyssa matched his. Nathaniel reached around the center of her core to massage her pearl steadfast as he entered and exited her many times. Elyssa buried her face into her royal blue satin pillow to deafen her increasing sobs of satisfaction.

 

As both Elyssa and Nathaniel were closer to the edge his member throbbed and pulsated inside, her sheath tightened and spasmed. Nathaniel motioned Elyssa to straddle him. He now lay on his back as he unknotted the crimson silk sash from her wrists. Cousland finally free from her constraint straddled him. Elyssa’s hands were on his chest for balance while Nathaniel dug his hands on her waist. Both lovers matched each other’s unbridled rhythm and athleticism. They struggled in their tempo as they neared their peak Nathaniel let out vociferous growl moan as screamed in affirmation.

 

"Maker's balls, Elyssa!" Nathaniel arched his hips.

 

"Yes!" Elyssa arched her back breasts raised.

 

Nathaniel grabbed and squeezed her peaks as he filled her womb with his seed. Both out of breath let out a contented sigh as they both giggled in their euphoria. Elyssa laid her head on Nathaniel's chest. She listened to his loud beating heart.

 

Reality crept back on Elyssa. She ordered Nathaniel to pick up his clothes and leave her bedroom. Elyssa made Nathaniel to give her his word to never mention their tryst to anyone. She worked hard to hide her increasing shame threatening to overwhelm her face.

 

A now dressed Nathaniel closed Cousland’s bedroom door and walked towards the door to leave the study room. Nathaniel opened the door at the moment Captain Garavel motioned his hand to knock on her door but stopped short when he saw Nathaniel.

 

"Grey Warden Howe is everything ok? Seneschal Varel suggested I come up and check on Warden- Commander Cousland- Theirin." The curious captain gave Nathaniel a suspicious look.

 

Nathaniel motioned his right hand to the captain to follow him down the hall in front of his bedroom. "It was a mild disagreement. One of many that we have, as per usual is now resolved with heated debate. It's best to leave her be until tomorrow morning. Good night, Captain." He politely nodded.

 

"Yes, well, until tomorrow, Ser Nathaniel. Good night." The Captain answered in a mild incredulous tone. Nathaniel watched the captain turn until Garavel disappeared into the hallway across from the commander's room. He then entered his own with a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elyssa has regrets and Nathaniel can't seem to stay away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, QueenHopeTheirin, she helps me correct my errors when she sees them. Please check out her works:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenHopeTheirin/pseuds/QueenHopeTheirin
> 
> *Reminder*  
> As you will see I am not a professional writer, I just have the ideas for the story not the characters.

** Chapter 2/? **

 

Elyssa prepared the stony bathtub filling it with water after she placed a novice fire rune under it enough to warm the water, but not to boil her skin. Her slow and careful descent into the honey and vanilla scented water was a welcoming aroma to her. Once she sat down Elyssa held her face in her hands crying. Elyssa had slept with another man to keep him from strangling her to death; that is what she told herself. But she enjoyed the roughness of it all. Not his assassination attempt, but the passion Nathaniel had shown her. The assertiveness, dominance, raw hunger and the animal want for each other bodies. Yet she felt disgust, disappointment, anger and shame at herself.

 

She sunk herself into the warm water in her bathtub and let out a loud afterwards she surfaced from the water and cried. After her bath she put on Alistair’s tunic except now it had traces of Nathaniel’s scent. It smelled of evergreen pine trees and leather. So Elyssa took the white long sleeved tunic off as she left her bathroom. She looked at the floor to her bedroom. She found her robe and put it on without the sash. Elyssa dared not look for it, last thing she wanted to do was think about what happened and the sash reminded her of it. She went to a small table by her bedroom window and searched her bag for a healing elixir. As she overlooked the window and drank the elixir she remembered her office was a mess.

 

Her books, missives and chair were everywhere.  So she had no other choice than to cover her scuffle and organize her study the best she could. She stood in the middle of her study. The bookcases that covered the far left corner of the stonewalled room were separated from each other, her chair on top of the floored books, and her massive heavy oak wood desk moved at an angle from when the edge of it poked her back. She rubbed her back looking at the massive desk as she walked toward her chair to pick it up and put it behind her desk. Elyssa knelt in front of the books and piled them up in groups of five on the floor beside her. As she stood up to put the books in the bookcase she spoke out loud.

 

"Oh, Elyssa what have you done?! How could you?!" She scorned herself as she hid her face behind her hands in exasperation.

 

"You could have begged him to stop. Told him you yielded. You needn't do what you did." She let a breath out through her nose.

 

She raked her nails through wet black curls. "How could you have been unfaithful to Alistair?! That man has done nothing but been there for you since Ostagar? By Andraste, the man took an attack from a dragon for you. He almost died for you! He has been your shoulder to cry on when we mourned Duncan and my family. Should I tell Alistair?"

 

"By the Maker the sex was incredible. No! Elyssa it's not right. You've committed adultery. Stupid! May the Void have you, Rendon." She sighs.

 

"Oh, mother if you were here." Tears dropped from her eyes as she held her mouth to silence her sobs.

 

The experience with Nathaniel had felt new even though she was sexually versed. Alistair always gentle, kind and loving in their love making, yet with Nathaniel it was new, raw, carnal and instinctual. No emotional attachment a new experience for Elyssa.

 

Elyssa put the books back where they belonged. Her last chore was to put her missives in order on her desk. Once done, she had blown out the candles in her study and gone to her bedroom.

 

Her bed was a mess, but her body was tired and her back ached she didn't care to fix her bed before turning in. She crawled on to bed; Elyssa took her robe off and slept in her smalls without her supporters on.

 

She did little sleeping that night. She tossed and turned in bed. Her thoughts went back to the events that had transpired and Alistair. She needed him more than ever before. Other than Fergus, Alistair was her only family. Alistair silly on his own, affectionate and loving when asked; the type of man who is sometimes sarcastic when you annoyed him or just because he wants to jest. Smarter than he gave himself credit **_"No, he can forgive me.  Alistair slept with Morrigan, granted with my permission so we could both survive. Would he? Should he?"_**  Headache prayed Alistair would, if she told him, and for Morrigan's baby to never contest for his right to the throne. Alistair and Morrigan agreed she wouldn't let the child know its lineage, but there was always a chance. She kept tossing and turning, her mind raced through the night until her body pushed her off the sex scented bed, which also bothered her.

 

It was early dawn when she had Seneschal Varel prepare the throne room for the Joining. Her body still ached, for now she would pretend it didn’t. Her bruises were barely visible even though she did well in hiding them from Varel. Lucky for Elyssa her armor covered the bruises and the lovemarks. While the seneschal prepared the throne room, Headache paid Anders a visit; whose healing magic would help. His quarters were the undercroft down her hallway at the bottom of the stairs.

 

Elyssa stood in front of Anders quarters. Great big dark wooden door and black metal handle stood in front of her. **_“What would I tell Anders? How do I ask him to heal me?”_** she thought. Her body still in pain and bruised even though the night before she had taken a minor healing elixir. Yes, they were less visible now than what they should have been if she had not drank the elixir but her body still ached. With a sigh she knocks on Anders door. Thrice Elyssa knocked no answer. She checked for a locked door, lucky for her it was not.

 

Once inside Ander's quarters she saw an impossibly attractive man in peaceful sleep with a chiseled body, disheveled strawberry blonde full bodied shoulder length hair. Anders, a very tall and most likely Anderfels, Ferelden men were not usually that tall. Anders was over a foot taller than Elyssa and towered over her. He was covered only with his white cotton bed sheet. His relaxed gifted sized member outlined by the material state, she saw the outline of him.

 

“By Andraste’s tits is that what his penis looks like lax!?” Elyssa subconscious to her actions said in an outer whisper.

 

“If you think it’s big now you should see it when a pretty girl is touching it.” Anders replied in a deep husky voice as one recently woken up, and a sly grin on his face.

 

“Oh, Maker, you’re awake! And you heard me.  Anders even your staff would be too much for me to handle.” Elyssa held her cheekbones trying to hide her cheeks as her face turned a bright shade of red, embarrassed he had caught her comment. Something new she learned of Anders, he enjoyed being nude in his slumber. Being the lady that Elyssa was she turned away as Anders took his sheet to wrap it around his waist.

 

Anders released a chuckle of amusement, “Apologies, Commander. Force of habit I’m sure I’m not the first to offer to please an enticing woman as you? I do however value breathing. I hope your highness does not take offense at my attempts of flirtations.”

 

Elyssa turned to see a bare chested Anders and crossed her arms with a smile, “Oh do not dare to stop trying Anders! It will never happen, but I do love our witty banter. It makes me smile and my long days shorter.” Elyssa winked and smiled at Anders.

 

Anders turned to his chair and put on his neatly folded robe before dropping the sheet to the floor. Anders wrapped his robe around his waist.

 

"Yes, I know. I have a nice bottom.”

 

Anders again faced Elyssa with a wink and a smile on his face. “Now that I am dressed how may I help my Queen and Commander of the Grey?”

 

Elyssa shaking her head as she giggles, “Ugh! Um, I am not aware if you overheard any raucous last night in my study. Nathaniel and I sparred for a while. He was winning for a while, but he did not. I received an injury to my back and a few bruises. I drank a minor healing elixir but I am still in pain. Not as much as I should be. If it wasn’t for it I wouldn’t be able to leave my bed.” Elyssa reached to hold her back with her right hand as she stopped pretending she wasn’t in any pain.

 

Elyssa told Anders the half truth about what happened. The undercroft of the keep under Elyssa’s study was perfect for Anders with enough ventilation to allow him to practice and work on his magic.

 

 “Yes that was quite the sparring. I am sure you both finished with an uproar.” Anders laughs at Elyssa while he shook his head. “I knew you two needed to ‘spar’ until there was release. The heat you two create! Not only did you two murder each other’s father, but you sparred until you shout each other’s names as well. Sound travels into my quarters due to the slit above my bed under your study. Amazing what a proper ventilation can do.”  Anders responds with a wicked smile and mischievous look in his eyes.

 

Elyssa cleared her throat looking at the floor ashamed that Anders knew about her illicit slip with Nathaniel. “Ah, yes, the ventilation slit in the study. I also forgot the open door to my bedroom.”

 

“Might I say you have a beautiful sparring voice? Since we’re now calling it that.” Anders snickered at Elyssa. She reacted swiftly, slapping Anders on his left arm in response.

 

“Ouch! No hitting or I will tell Mummy dearest!” Anders laughed at her.

 

“Anders, behave! Could you heal my neck and back? My neck is black and blue. My back is still in pain and tender.” Elyssa sat on the far corner of his bed.

 

Anders cleared his throat. “Yes. If your armor has any enchanted runes that repel magic please remove them. The runes may stop my magic from healing you.”

 

Elyssa stood up. “Anders, please help me remove my armor? It took me a good while to put my armor on and I can’t pretend I am not in pain anymore.” He expertly helped her remove her armor, quicker than he should have. Anders showed Elyssa how gentle his hands were.

 

His room was only lit with a few well placed candles giving it ambience. Anders bid Elyssa to lie on her stomach. He put his hands under her shirt as he chanted a healing spell. His hands were the right amount of comforting heat on her back. He then took his hands away from Elyssa and offered her a hand to help her sit up.

 

Anders put both hands on either side of Elyssa's neck. Mesmerized by her delicate features he abides to his candor. Their eyes never off each other he lowered his head down to her, their noses, and forehead gently touching. In a calm soft whisper lips at risk of touching Anders comments.

 

“I think I see why King Alistair is so enamored with you. After our time spent on the field I have come to consider you a friend. The songs I have heard of your deeds does not do your grace justice. The bards and minstrels should sing about how your beauty and your leadership have inspired others to be more. You make them want to give more of themselves not only to the cause, against the blight but to you. I can see the king wanting to be a better man for you. You make me want to do the same.”

 

“Thank you, my friend.” Anders opinion of her made Elyssa smile and kisses him on his nose. Anders still on his knees eyes now closed mumbles another healing spell. Once done his light brown eyes opened, he stood up and gave Elyssa a kiss on the top of her head.

 

“You can dress now, Commander.”

 

“How about you call me Elyssa when we’re off duty?”

 

Both exited the undercroft together laughing and joking. Elyssa and Anders agreed to keep quiet on her indiscretion. They turned around both with smiles on their faces after Anders closed the door that led down to his quarters. Anders saw Nathaniel leaving Elyssa’s bedroom with his head down at that moment Anders nudged Elyssa on her left shoulder.

 

“Warden Howe, please wake up Oghren. Anders please tell the maids to make sure Velanna and Sigrun are awake and dressed. And no, Anders I don’t want you making sure the new recruits are awake.” She laughed turning to Anders as she knew he would be more than happy to try it himself.

 

Elyssa stood in front of her study looking at Nathaniel and Anders. “Please meet me in the throne room with Oghren and the recruits we need to have them take part in their joining.” Both men turned to their duties.

 

Elyssa wanted to know why Nathaniel came out of her bedroom so she went inside through her study. To her surprise she found a single white rose, and a cream colored gardenia. She found it surprising he still remembered gardenias were her favorite flowers. The single white rose Nathaniel had given her meant he was pleading for peace. Under the flowers there was a note.

 

**_Elyssa,_ **

**_I am ashamed of my actions towards you. They were of poor tact and unwelcome in a man with my upbringing. I should not have treated you the way I did. I apologize for my indiscretion. A woman of your caliber did not deserve it. I hope the gardenia and the rose pleases you, milady._ **

**_Nathaniel Howe_ **

 

Nathaniel still remembered Bryce Cousland’s lesson on how to appease the Cousland women when the men in their lives make mistakes. Elyssa couldn’t help but feel relieved that he also felt guilt and shame. The flowers brought a smile to her face. She thought him sweet he still remembered.

 

Their courtship had been short, a mere three months. Rendon Howe made sure Nathaniel learned everything about his intended. Rendon knew the Couslands’ were in line for the throne if there were no Theirin blood to inherit it. In time he would have the couple contest for the throne if Cailan and Anora had not any children. He wanted to make sure somehow that if not all of his children elevated the Howe name at least one of his own did.

 

Nathaniel being the good son followed his father’s orders. Rendon still understood the age difference between them and would sometimes advice Nathaniel. “Before you see the Cousland girl make sure you take care of your needs before they arise or grab the younger elf maids. She is not yet of age to bed and the last thing we need is a scandal. Need I remind you once again, she is not sixteen years old yet?”

 

Nathaniel’s chance never came; closest he came was when he spent a day with her under a grand leafy oak tree with great shade. It was two days before he was to leave for the Free Marches to make a name for himself.

 

Nathaniel had given her a picnic with the help of Eleanor Cousland, Elyssa’s mother. She thought Nathaniel had grown into a fine young man. Every summer he would come to visit with Rendon Howe for a week or two and those were the times Nathaniel and Fergus spent times playing as children do. Mother Cousland also knew Elyssa would be in capable hands. The setting was beautiful. It was right outside the castle wall.

 

Eleanor assured their safety by parking them away for privacy but close enough to be called if they are needed. It was mid-morning when Eleanor had the picnic set for them. The blanket put under the grand oak tree in the bountiful shade. And on the blanket a wide arrange of confectioneries, fruits, cheese, honey wine and water. Nathaniel planned for them to walk the valley for their last day together. Their day was romantic for the first and only time. Nathaniel and Elyssa had become more candid towards each other.  

 

When Nathaniel and Elyssa finished eating they took a stroll by the river and enjoyed observing the animals. They conversed about his coming apprenticeship as squire and how he planned to make his own fortune in the Free Marches. Nathaniel spoke of his want to finish his rogue training and his interest in politics as a career.

 

Elyssa now at an age where her rogue training would begin, she asked for pointers on how to be a good one. Which skills would be best for her to learn if she wanted to use dual dagger or bow marksman or if it was better to learn how to hunt?

 

They smiled, laughed and jested. Nathaniel teased Elyssa mentioning how Fergus and he had by accident thrown a ball at her face. Back then, Fergus and Nathaniel, were both twelve years old and poor Elyssa four years old. The ball had hit her so hard on her face her little body flew into a muddy puddle, the bottom part of her dress and her palms covered in mud.

 

They talked until late afternoon, Nathaniel watched Elyssa as she leaned on the grand oak tree. She seemed distracted by the many shades of yellows, oranges and reds of the day fading. Nathaniel took the time to memorize Elyssa’s face, her brown eyes, adorable small nose, and her freckles on her honey beige skin. He also took time to memorize the amethyst necklace hanging above her bosom and her jade colored with emerald green floral accents on her dress.

 

Elyssa turned her face to speak to Nathaniel. “It was such a magnificent day coming…”

 

Nathaniel couldn’t take it anymore and planted lust filled yet gentle first kiss on Elyssa. Nathaniel was the first man to have ever kissed her. He took control pulling her closer to him, hands on Elyssa’s ribs fighting the urge to cup her breasts. Nathaniel became enthralled with the savouriness of her. Elyssa honey wine lips. His tongue intertwined with hers commanding as the kiss became passionate with every second his mouth conquered her lips.

 

His kiss was perfect sensual, soft, filled with hungered passion and a newfound openness to him Elyssa had never known from Nathaniel.  He did not stop his attack on her lips until his member ached for her. It took all of his self-control not to seduce her and deflower her. Elyssa and Nathaniel were breathless from their kiss.

 

After the kiss, her face now red biting both lips trying not to smile, Nathaniel guided Elyssa back to the castle. Nathaniel walked behind her staring at her swaying hips while tugging at the seams of the crotch of his trouser. **_“Maker, a woman such as Elyssa should be considered a sin.”_** Was all he could think repeating it in his head as a chant.

 

Nathaniel and Elyssa arrived at the castle’s courtyard, they found both their family patriarchs saying goodbye to each other. Nathaniel thanked Eleanor for the assistance and her hospitality doing the same for Elyssa’s father. Before the Howe family parted their ways from the Cousland castle, Nathaniel turned to hug Elyssa as he bid her farewell, they agreed to keep in touch through missives. As he turned to leave Elyssa pulled him back to her and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Things did not go as planned, and that memory was all but forgotten.

 

**********

 

After Sigrun and Velanna took their joining; and survived, all the wardens took their spare morning to rest. While both Sigrun and Velanna recovered from their joining ceremony. Elyssa went to her quarters to work on her missives to Weisshaupt, and letters to court in Denerim for the day.  Along the way she saw Nathaniel speak to the groundskeeper, Samuel, the elven man, who not only saw the Howe children grow up but Fergus and Elyssa, as well.

 

Later that afternoon the messenger arrived in Denerim to give King Alistair the personal letter his Queen Elyssa wrote him. Alistair was on his way from Royal Court to his personal chambers with Eamon by his side. The elder man suggested Elyssa and Alistair look for alchemists or mages willing to help them, conceive a child for a fee. They arrived in front of the young king’s chambers.

 

An elven boy of what appeared to be fifteen years of age with white silvered hair orange colored eyes bowing down breathless. “My King, Commander of the Grey and Queen of Ferelden sends a personal missive to be delivered to you, your Majesty.”

 

Alistair grinned not hiding his enjoyment of the news took the letter from the boys hand.  “Thank you. Please, don't leave yet."

 

He then turned to his advisor. "Eamon, make sure the boy is properly tended to; please, show the lad to the servants' quarters.”

 

Alistair faced the boy with a smile plastered on his face, “Stay until I have a reply ready for my wife. You may leave then. Eamon please show him to the servants' quarters.”

 

Turning to enter his chamber, Alistair sat on their bed with Dog whimpering at the scent of Elyssa on the letter. Dog crawled and edged his head to Alistair’s lap to smell the letter. Alistair’s hand found its way to Dog his hand resting upon the Mabari’s head eager to read the letter.

 

**********

**_My dear Alistair;_ **

 

**_Greetings my love, this month apart has made me miss you so much, your midnight snacking and no love, I speak not of your unhealthy obsession for cheese. How is Dog? Has he been on his best behaviour? I miss him as much as you, my love._ **

 

**_We gained three new Grey Wardens. Knight Ser Mhairi did not make it. You will never imagine who our third Warden is. May Andraste preserve us, Oghren survived the joining.  Maker, I swear, Oghren must be up to something. I tried goading him to tell me why he joined the Wardens even after he and Felsi had reunited. Then Anders our mage, the one you let me conscript. He is personable, charming, very cheeky and flirtatious.  No worries, my love, I can handle him. Unless he is you, no one can ever come close to your irresistible charm and jestful witty one-liners, Ali.  Anders might be tall, handsome, charismatic and funny he has nowhere near your cheese obsession, Ali. His obsession is pie, never shuts up about it. There is nothing better than a cheese infatuation to make me fall in love with you and the support you gave me when I made the difficult decisions. You always have kind, sweet, and endearing words for me. You are the only man to see me at my most vulnerable moments._ **

 

**_Now as for our third and last mysterious Warden, you will never believe who. An invading thief was none other than Nathaniel Howe, Rendon Howe's’ eldest child. Remember the young man whom my parents had promised me to, with whom I had a short courtship before he left for the Free Marches? The one I said was boring, arrogant, and might I say too old for me? After your guards thorough inspection of the keep Seneschal Varel later informed me that three days prior four of our fellow Wardens captured him. For it to take that many to capture him showed me he had promise to join the order. He survived. Nathaniel is the same young man I remember from my adolescence. Lucky for me he was too proper and noble to lay his hands and lips on me in our younger years. We found two new recruits on the road, Velanna and Sigrun. We found Velanna in the Wending Woods and Sigrun in Knotwood Hills._ **

 

**_Velanna, well, she has plenty to do before she achieves any redemption. Sigrun, thank the Maker we found her before the Darkspawns killed her or even worse turn her into a broodmother to birth Genlocks. She is a fighter and the last survivor of her company. She was part of Legion of the Dead. Two days after you left we left for different missions, most are reconnaissance. We learned that the Darkspawns have developed higher intelligence and have divided into two factions. One faction follows a Darkspawn who calls himself The Architect and the other faction follows another who calls herself The Mother. As I said they have shown sign of intelligence. The Darkspawns must be eliminated. I am still investigating one of our missing Wardens, Kristoff, clues point he might be in the Black Marshes. We leave in a fortnight for now I relish the time we have at Vigil’s Keep until we leave. I wish you were here in my bed._ **

**_Love you always your Headache,                                                                                                                                                                        Elyssa Cousland-Theirin_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use www.prowritingaid.com to edit my stories. Thanks, to QueenHopeTheirin who told me about the site.

**Author's Note:**

> I will continue the story. I thought to make it a one shot but it became more. Next chapter Elyssa will contemplate on what she did and deal with the repercussions.


End file.
